Mood Chart

I started keeping a mood chart mid April but beginning of May was changed to the one my doctor wanted me to use. I still have trouble filling it out everyday. I'm not convinced I have Bipolar. It made sense when he explained it to me, that when I get severly frustrated, angry and anxious I'm hypomanic but I feel those when I'm depressed and when I'm not. If I'm not depressed but am frustrated and angry most of the day, does that make me hypomanic? I don't think so. My next doc appt isn't until July 8th so I'm going to be so confused until then.

It made sense when I read about dysphoric hypomanic but now I'm not so sure. Only a few places mention that. Most say hypomania is like light mania and that I should be having endless energy etc... Well I don't. I almost wish I did so I could get something done around this house. I struggle with what to put on the mood chart daily.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

While technically a US "holiday" it can be honoured in every country. Take this time to find out more about Mental Health.

The theme this year is Live Your Life Well. (click link for some fact sheets and info)

May 7th was also Children's Mental Health Awareness Day, which I learned of a little too late.

Registered for a program

I registered a week ago for our local Mental Health Connections place. It's for things like ceramics, fitness, group activities, game nights etc.... All the other people that are there have mental health problems (at least). You have to be approved first and agree to not hurt people etc. I'm just waiting for a letter in the mail saying I'm in and then I'll go for a tour and then after that I can sign up for different activities. I'm really excited. I need to do things without my kids and this way I won't have to be as nervous of what others think because they'll know I'm mentally ill and may be anxious etc..

I highly encourage others to persue similar programs that you might have in your area.

Social Rhythms affect our mood/health

I just discovered a blog called Psychotherapy Brown Bag which is a professional mental health blog (I added a new blogroll to the side with it in) Read the sidebar to find out why it's called that.

I wanted to mention a post I found interesting. It mentions bipolar the most but is true of all people, even those not mentall ill, but more so to those with depression and bipolar.

It's called:

Social Rhythms in Bipolar Disorder: How daily behavioural patterns can increase vulnerability to both mania and depression by Michael D. Anestis, M.D.

I hope it's helpful to someone. I'll try to find something to post on a different mental health disorder next time.

Flip-Flop

I flip-flop between being depressed and wanting to do nothing but sleep to feeling energized and having ideas in my mind about whatever (homeschooling, housecleaning, blogging) and wanting to go nonstop in fulfilling those ideas. It's very annoying.

I found a site called Bipolar Chick, very informative. I specifically wanted to share the page that talks about the different kinds of bipolar. If you are bipolar, you might find it interesting.

Struggling With My Diagnosis

This isn't my personal journal where I document my day but I do want to include a bit about how I'm feeling as well as encourage any readers to share their experiences as well as including news and information I find about mental illness.

Lately I've been really struggling with my diagnosis. If you're new here, you won't know that my diagnosis recently changed from depression to bipolar 2. Until recently I thought I had severe depression, occasional anxiety and panic attacks plus unspecified personality disorder (leaning more towards Borderline PD but with not enough "yeses" for a diagnosis.

Why is this diagnosis bothering me so much? Who knows if I even have a personality disorder now or ever did. Maybe it was bipolar all along. All along as I researched my depression and read books and web pages and chatted in forums I thought I had depression. I skipped the parts about bipolar and read about depression. When I did read books about bipolar or saw TV or movies with bipolar patients, I thought "I'm glad that's not me." For the past almost 10 years I was being medicated for the WRONG thing. Since it's bipolar 2 and not 1 that I have, I never had a severe manic episode so it wasn't as obvious. I had a hard time describing my thoughts, the racing thoughts with violent thoughts amongst them. The anger, the frustration, the anxiety, the confusion, they were looked at as separate "feelings" that I experience just as the average person was, not as what they are, my hypo manic state. The doctor didn't use the name "rapid-cycling" but he did mention that I go through my "poles" pretty quickly which is very true. I can go from extreme happiness to extreme depression to hypo manic and back again all throughout the day.

Lately I've been plagued by violent thoughts, thoughts of harm, mostly to myself and I can't stop yelling. I snap very easily. My med combination is still being worked out and so I'm not "stable" yet so I'm not eligible for certain mental health programs yet. I understand they don't want an unstable person to suddenly go off and try to hurt him/herself or even worse, another person but meanwhile, it's NOW that I need the support, not when I'm stable.

My pills make me stupid and at night, they knock me out in 30 minutes. The first time I took them my husband thought I had a stroke that's how smashed up they made me. I refused to go to bed even though I couldn't keep my eyes open and was swaying back and forth because I was so hungry. My loving hubby made me a bowl of cereal which I proceeded to "eat" and wear as it dribbled out my mouth. I stumble over my words when I talk and lose my train of thought very easily.

I haven't even taken my pills yet and I'm exhausted, it's been a crazy week so that's enough for now. If anyone read this, PLEASE comment so I don't feel so alone. If you struggle with mental illness too, please stick around as I work on getting this blog up and running some more. Feel free to comment anonymously if you are a blogger or otherwise well known and don't want anyone else to know you struggle.

Mental Disorders are the 4th Most Expesnsive Medical Condition

"4. Condition: Mental disorders, including depression Estimated Cost: $56 billion.

According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), about 50 million americans are diagnosed each year with a mental health problem that is disabling enough to interfere with their normal, daily functioning. Yet only about 20 percent actually receive the help they need. AHRQ estimates that, in 2005, $23 billion was spent on prescription medication and $6 billion on home health care services to treat mental disorders. In addition to treating depression, lost labor time among those with mental disorders such as depression is staggering. In a recent issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, the cost of labor loss due to depression was estimated at $44 billion"

- from 10 Most Expensive Medical Conditions